alden is having a rough patch. toddlerhood is once again turning his world upside down and with all of his many words, he is clearly frustrated by not being able to communicate everything that goes on in his busy fuzzy head. this week has been one giant meltdown after another, often over such offenses as being offered a slice of apple or a new book to read. bun has IDEAS about things and i guess, as well as i do know him, i am not always as clued-in as he'd like me to be.

we butted heads a lot and i was feeling really blue and a little worried that our "spirited" little boy-o was turning into someone that maybe i couldn't handle. i have a fairly quick temper, myself and i will admit that i used a handful of angry words on him early this week and even shut myself in the bathroom once for a minute to collect myself after being bitten (really hard) on the leg.

then today, we did nothing. well, nothing involving anyone other than mama and alden. als and i read books and sangs songs and ran around the apartment in the morning, then we went to the grocery store. i was nervous about our outing, as all outings this week have involved massive hysterics either on the train or at our destination, but aside from a few monster screams on the train ride home (and, ok, one on the way there, but that was because a stranger who found him adorable wouldn't leave him alone) he was completely calm and happy. we did our shopping, came home and had lunch, read some stories and then he took a nice, long nap. when he woke up, we played and read and made snacks and then alden helped me make a birthday present for a baby friend. then we made dinner, had a bath, read stories and he is now snoozing peacefully.

i am reading a pretty great book that was recommended to me by a friend, you are your child's first teacher by rahima baldwin dancy. it's really opened my eyes to what alden might be experiencing these days and where and how the tantrums are grown. putting just a few of her suggestions at a time into practice over the past couple of days has drastically changed our interactions and, i think, made us all happier. i think i've mentioned before that i have difficulty allowing myself to just be a mama and not feel as though i need to be trying to accomplish something else on the side. the anxiety i feel because of this issue has actually prevented me from doing any of this "real" work i've been needing and i think it's been growing a seed of anxiety in poor little bun. it's hard to hide how you're feeling from anyone that you're around 24 hours a day, even a little tiny someone. anyway, this book is the first i've read that not only acknowledges this issue in words that sound so familiar to me, but offers straightforward, helpful and kind solutions--the the most reassuring of these being the affirmation of the importance of the work that alden requires.

i knew, somehow without knowing, almost from day one that alden would be sensitive to over-stimulation and that i would have to try extra hard in the city to protect his senses. somewhere along the way i sort of forgot this, or pushed it aside so that we could be as social as i want us to be. i don't think we over-do it as far as activities are concerned, not necessarily, but i think we might be pushing it. we have monday play group, music class tuesdays, and some thursdays/fridays we go to the big playspace in greenpoint, with a few smaller playdates or outings thrown in. not a lot compared to other city babies, but it's a lot for alden. it's hard to think about scaling back now that he's almost old enough for many of the drop-off play groups i had been researching when dreaming of getting my little crafting business back up, but i think that might actually be what we need to do. for right now, at least.